A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
