while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
