This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize