What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
