Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
