If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize