sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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