so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
