Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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