You just made me feel so damn special
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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