So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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