Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
