i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
