so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
