I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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