they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
