Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Do vagina's smell?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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