She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
