Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
