jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
