As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
