i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
