thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
