Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
