I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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