I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
