Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Randomize
