I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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