need another drink. this is the easiest way
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
