Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
