dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Ketchup is God's man juice
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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