you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
