I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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