I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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