Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize