i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
