Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
