what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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