And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
