My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
