Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
