I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
