Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
