so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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