You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
