Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
