so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
