At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
