Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
