my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
His nipple licking is glorious
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