I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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