you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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