did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
How external is "for external use only"?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
