Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
