ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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