I heard we made out
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize