Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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