maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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