it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
