here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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