I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
