Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize