I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
