to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize