just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
should my penis look like a turkey
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
