the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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