dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
