Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Panties = found
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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