Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
