I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
17 year olds will be the death of me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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