Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
