Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
