Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
