oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
