I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
