i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
