I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
