Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
