I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
