don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
