After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
