im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
