Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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