I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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