Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
