I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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