margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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