she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
