I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
