you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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