She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
