1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I need to calm my uterus...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
