You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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