My nipple is on Facebook.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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