What did we do last night that was yellow?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
