every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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