I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
